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Nov. 13th, 2004
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Gay Marriage
Nov. 13th, 2004 06:07 pmIt's time to reach across the gap to people who are against gay marriage, but who have good hearts and good minds - who are not angry homophobes, but are squicked* or surprised or have other reasons for their view. (There are some folks whose minds are firmly shut, but let's put them aside for a moment.)
I came across a comment in which someone argued that, right now, gay people have no more rights than the rest of us, and ought not to be granted the "special right" of marriage. I had to think for a bit to work out what they meant: right now, a lesbian has the right to marry a man, just as I had the right to marry Jon. A gay man has the right to marry a woman, just as Jon had the right to marry the woman of his choice. Everyone has the right to marry a member of the opposite sex. In that sense, queer Americans and Australians, and straight Americans and Australians, have exactly the same rights.
This is quite a clever argument, but it falls down on two points. Obviously, Jon had a right which (say) Mark Bingham didn't - to marry the person he loves, the person he chooses. A law banning gay marriage may technically apply to everyone, but it only affects some citizens. But more simply, if gay marriage were legalised, that would also apply to everyone! I would be free to marry (say) Melissa Etheridge**. Clearly, it's straight Americans and Australians who have a "special right" - with numerous benefits. (According to one source, there are 1,400 state and federal rights that a married couple in the US has that an unmarried couple does not have.) That's not fair.
Of course, official recognition of gay couples doesn't have to mean marriage. De facto straight couples are recognised in Australia and have basically the same rights as married couples. Similarly, "civil unions" would grant gay couples the same legal rights as married straight couples. However, civil unions have been banned alongside gay marriage in eight of the eleven states which recently held referenda.
For Jon and I, marriage was crucial to our happiness. It has tremendous emotional, social, and symbolic value, of course - demonstrating our commitment to our family, our friends, the community, our gods, and ourselves. But a marriage ceremony isn't the same thing as commitment; I know and admire numerous stable and happy couples who haven't marched down the aisle, and we've all heard the divorce statistics. But there was another, even more important motive for Jon and I to wed: without doing so, we could not live in the same country. As a married couple, we had an important legal right which an unmarried couple did not. It's nightmarish enough to imagine what our lives would have been like without that right. I can only try to imagine the horror of having your children taken away or being unable to visit your partner in hospital.
I'd very much like to hear from moderate folks who question whether gay marriage is the way to go. Let's have a civilised discussion.
__
* If you've not encountered this word online, it just means "grossed out", especially about something sexual.
** Jon points out this would be bigamy, but also says he wouldn't mind! Cheeky!
I came across a comment in which someone argued that, right now, gay people have no more rights than the rest of us, and ought not to be granted the "special right" of marriage. I had to think for a bit to work out what they meant: right now, a lesbian has the right to marry a man, just as I had the right to marry Jon. A gay man has the right to marry a woman, just as Jon had the right to marry the woman of his choice. Everyone has the right to marry a member of the opposite sex. In that sense, queer Americans and Australians, and straight Americans and Australians, have exactly the same rights.
This is quite a clever argument, but it falls down on two points. Obviously, Jon had a right which (say) Mark Bingham didn't - to marry the person he loves, the person he chooses. A law banning gay marriage may technically apply to everyone, but it only affects some citizens. But more simply, if gay marriage were legalised, that would also apply to everyone! I would be free to marry (say) Melissa Etheridge**. Clearly, it's straight Americans and Australians who have a "special right" - with numerous benefits. (According to one source, there are 1,400 state and federal rights that a married couple in the US has that an unmarried couple does not have.) That's not fair.
Of course, official recognition of gay couples doesn't have to mean marriage. De facto straight couples are recognised in Australia and have basically the same rights as married couples. Similarly, "civil unions" would grant gay couples the same legal rights as married straight couples. However, civil unions have been banned alongside gay marriage in eight of the eleven states which recently held referenda.
For Jon and I, marriage was crucial to our happiness. It has tremendous emotional, social, and symbolic value, of course - demonstrating our commitment to our family, our friends, the community, our gods, and ourselves. But a marriage ceremony isn't the same thing as commitment; I know and admire numerous stable and happy couples who haven't marched down the aisle, and we've all heard the divorce statistics. But there was another, even more important motive for Jon and I to wed: without doing so, we could not live in the same country. As a married couple, we had an important legal right which an unmarried couple did not. It's nightmarish enough to imagine what our lives would have been like without that right. I can only try to imagine the horror of having your children taken away or being unable to visit your partner in hospital.
I'd very much like to hear from moderate folks who question whether gay marriage is the way to go. Let's have a civilised discussion.
__
* If you've not encountered this word online, it just means "grossed out", especially about something sexual.
** Jon points out this would be bigamy, but also says he wouldn't mind! Cheeky!
(no subject)
Nov. 13th, 2004 10:13 pmAnother wretched cold - this time a nasty sore throat. Discovered the merciful blessings of the anaesthetic throat spray. Also discovered that steaming my head quickly and reliably stops my fits of dry coughing. This time there's no gunk in my lungs, but I suspect the steam is dissolving eval shit clinging to my throat, which the uncontrollable coffs have been trying to remove. With or without a bit of Vick's Vaporub, sticking my head over a bowl of boiling water and a towel over my head does the trick. Hurrah!
