Dreamer Easy

You haven't experienced much grief in your life, so the deaths of beloved fictional characters during the last year have served as useful trial runs; minor, manageable tastes of the real deal. Useful datum: the intense heartache of depression does not feel the same as grief. Know it for the fake it is.

I've lost three kilos in three weeks. Do not congratulate me. I wish I could wholly attribute this slimming miracle to my suddenly extremely diligent diet, but weight loss is a symptom of hyperglycaemia. And losing your appetite is a symptom of having what for want of a better description I shall call having a nervous breakdown. (Shrink tomorrow. Shit, I have no idea what time.) Oh well gift horse etc

I have the rampaging thoughts tonight. Parking some of them here, just to get them out of my system.

1. Bullying is not a useful way of opposing racism, sexism, and other bigotry. In particular, social aggression between girls and women - malicious gossip, ridicule, exclusion - is profoundly anti-woman, a byproduct of patriarchy. It should not be confused with, nor is it justified by, honest anger, frustration, assertiveness, disagreement: things which girls and women are taught to suppress, but which are the real tools for dismantling oppression. Bullying will slow and confuse our efforts until online progressives reject it.

2. Why am I not an atheist? I'm a naturalist and a rationalist, so why am I up to my elbows in gods? Is this something to do with how the human brain makes sense of the world through narrative?

3. Dear Mr Dawkins et al, regardless of how much praying I and others may do during takeoff, the Bernoulli Effect is not magic. Please make a note of this.

4. The Ten Commandment Boogie helpfully reminds us that the Bible is "full of incredible tools". Surely you cannot be down-with-the-kids while simultaneously pastiching "Kokomo".

Shrink appointment at 5 this evening. All breathe a sigh of relief. :)

"Die Verschmelzung von verschiedenen tierischen Elementen wurde gewissermßen als normwidrig oder sogar als monströs empfunden and daher des öfteren bei furchtbaren dämonischen Gestalten verwendet. So ist z.B. die Totenfresserin aus Krokodilskopf, Löwenkorper und Nilpferdhinterteil zusammengesetzt."

And here's a picture:



The Totenfresserin, aka the Devourer of the Dead. Note the Nilpferdarsch.

Right now I'm a strange combination of manic, chirpy, and fragile - simple tasks, like searching for something on ABE, keep popping my mind valves. You should all recognise this mental state for what it is, ie, post-regenerative trauma. I need a Zero Hat.

yey more purple Xanax yey

Off my freakin trolley on purple Xanax. normal service will etc

Oh, man. Maybe the Valium last night wasn't such a good idea. I've been scrambleheaded ever since, and I don't know whether it's depression, anxiety, the drugz, or some combination of these.

The local fundamentalists popped a brochure in the post box. "True Christianity is founded on a belief on Jesus Christ, and is not based upon any of our works." Various Bible quotes follow. This was Martin Luther's idea, wasn't it? It's brilliant. It gets rid of all that awkward stuff about having to give other people your money and simplifies religion into a pyramid scheme. [ETA: The thing about Luther was a wee bit seriously uninformed on my part - see the comments. Recommend me a beginner's book on theology!]

1. Barrowman's collapse into depression after "Ballgate" is horribly familiar - it's what I went through during Racewank '07. I'm a terrible person, everyone hates me, my life is over. Anger helped me rally, too.

2. No, fandom, John didn't tell you at Torchsong that he'd injured his ankle in a car accident, and then swear you to secrecy. Thanks to the magic of third-hand gossip, you conflated two separate incidents - his poolside fall (bt dt ow) and the Fifth Gear prang.

3. Believe half of what you see, and none of what you hear.