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Fanbullying 4
Jul. 18th, 2008 07:11 pmI started these postings with these questions: "Right - my experience of fanbullying. How is it like, and how is it unlike, my experience of bullying in school? How is it like, and how is it unlike, cyberbullying and bullying in general?" I think I can now answer them.
The most important factor in comparing these four things is the level of control the victim has. At school, I had no control. With cyberbullying, I have a lot of control over harassment - in fact, I am seldom harassed - but feel completely powerless in the face of malicious gossip.
At school, I was largely unaware of the infrastructure that supported the constant harassment. Only occasionally would some remark make me realise that the bullying was going on out of my hearing as well. My tormentors were sharing malicious gossip about me (and, I'm sure, plenty of others). For them, the rumours and lies acted as social glue. When two people bitch about a third, it brings those two people closer together.
Malicious gossip is also a crucial component of cyberbullying. It not only supports harassment, but it can directly be bullying itself: Web sites set up so that everyone can share their hate of an individual who cannot stop them or defend themselves; anonymous gossip sites where anything goes, however vicious.
Ring any bells?
In school, I would have been perfectly happy for the gossip and rumours to go on in the background without my ever knowing about them. Online, perhaps because I can avoid or stop direct harassment, it's the more indirect bullying that concerns me.
If you get into fights, the way I tend to, you have to take your lumps. If I piss someone off and they grouch about me a bit, that's one thing. But fanbullying is not fighting. In a fight, you can see your opponent, and you can land blows too. Robbed of the ability to directly harass, this is how fanbullies operate: through indirect, repeated attacks on those who are powerless to resist, with the intention of causing distress.
You can prevent people grouching about you by avoiding fights. But you cannot prevent bullying through your own behaviour. If you haven't done or said something outrageous, something you have done or said can easily be distorted. At a pinch, hey, we'll just make something up. This was true in high school, and it's true online. You could, of course, constantly search for these attacks (I used to) and counter them with the facts. This misses the point that the facts are irrelevant. Trust me - even in a face to face fight, you'll end up spending all your time defending yourself against personal abuse, instead of actually discussing the subject. Besides, people sometimes believe gossip even when it contradicts the evidence of their own eyes. (In any case, you can't respond in fandom_wank unless you already have a JournalFen account... and those are "temporarily" unavailable.)
Bullying, of any kind, is not about the victim. We are not responsible for stopping it, and we cannot stop it. That's not to say that there aren't things we can do to protect ourselves - nor that nothing can be done about fanbullying. The first step, IMHO, is to call it what it is. Like all bullying, fanbullying is harmful and wrong. It is the bully's fault, not the victim's. Fandom should not accept it. Fans who engage in it should be ashamed of it and stop doing it.
All this has made me examine some of my own behaviour, of course. I'm satisfied that I don't engage in behaviours which meet the definition of bullying I've given here. Which is not to say that I can't improve my interactions online through more skilful speech. Not that this will make any difference to the bullies... but it may mean less grouching. :-)
Knackered now. I'll try not to post anything further on the subject for, say, a week. Thanks for listening.
The most important factor in comparing these four things is the level of control the victim has. At school, I had no control. With cyberbullying, I have a lot of control over harassment - in fact, I am seldom harassed - but feel completely powerless in the face of malicious gossip.
At school, I was largely unaware of the infrastructure that supported the constant harassment. Only occasionally would some remark make me realise that the bullying was going on out of my hearing as well. My tormentors were sharing malicious gossip about me (and, I'm sure, plenty of others). For them, the rumours and lies acted as social glue. When two people bitch about a third, it brings those two people closer together.
Malicious gossip is also a crucial component of cyberbullying. It not only supports harassment, but it can directly be bullying itself: Web sites set up so that everyone can share their hate of an individual who cannot stop them or defend themselves; anonymous gossip sites where anything goes, however vicious.
Ring any bells?
In school, I would have been perfectly happy for the gossip and rumours to go on in the background without my ever knowing about them. Online, perhaps because I can avoid or stop direct harassment, it's the more indirect bullying that concerns me.
If you get into fights, the way I tend to, you have to take your lumps. If I piss someone off and they grouch about me a bit, that's one thing. But fanbullying is not fighting. In a fight, you can see your opponent, and you can land blows too. Robbed of the ability to directly harass, this is how fanbullies operate: through indirect, repeated attacks on those who are powerless to resist, with the intention of causing distress.
You can prevent people grouching about you by avoiding fights. But you cannot prevent bullying through your own behaviour. If you haven't done or said something outrageous, something you have done or said can easily be distorted. At a pinch, hey, we'll just make something up. This was true in high school, and it's true online. You could, of course, constantly search for these attacks (I used to) and counter them with the facts. This misses the point that the facts are irrelevant. Trust me - even in a face to face fight, you'll end up spending all your time defending yourself against personal abuse, instead of actually discussing the subject. Besides, people sometimes believe gossip even when it contradicts the evidence of their own eyes. (In any case, you can't respond in fandom_wank unless you already have a JournalFen account... and those are "temporarily" unavailable.)
Bullying, of any kind, is not about the victim. We are not responsible for stopping it, and we cannot stop it. That's not to say that there aren't things we can do to protect ourselves - nor that nothing can be done about fanbullying. The first step, IMHO, is to call it what it is. Like all bullying, fanbullying is harmful and wrong. It is the bully's fault, not the victim's. Fandom should not accept it. Fans who engage in it should be ashamed of it and stop doing it.
All this has made me examine some of my own behaviour, of course. I'm satisfied that I don't engage in behaviours which meet the definition of bullying I've given here. Which is not to say that I can't improve my interactions online through more skilful speech. Not that this will make any difference to the bullies... but it may mean less grouching. :-)
Knackered now. I'll try not to post anything further on the subject for, say, a week. Thanks for listening.
