(no subject)

Productive session with shrink yesterday, followed, bizarrely, by my first panic attack in ten years. An actual Panic Attack, not just a stress out or freak out, complete with chattering teeth and shaky legs and arms. It was triggered by some minor, random queasiness. When I was at uni this used to happen a lot. I guess my brain still has a recording of it, and, for whatever reason, decided to play it back yesterday. It took all my tricks to get it under some kind of control, and in the end, 1/4 purple Xanax to kill it completely.

The shrink and I had been discussing how I work too much. I think Someone is trying to tell me something.

What Someone is trying to tell me

I think... I think yeah. Starting now and lasting forever, to borrow a line from Jeremy Brett as Sherlock Holmes:

I'm on holiday!

(no subject)

Marked the first day of my holiday, ie the rest of my life, with a haircut and a massage, both sorely needed. Now I am not downing tools; there has also been housework, writing, and shopping. I'm just not defining myself any longer as this dutiful frantic failure.