Irritating ways to begin sentences online

[dreamer_easy]

Oh, there are so many ways to get off on the wrong foot! These are just a few:

Pompous: I note that... / I notice that... / I find it disappointing that you... / I find it fascinating...

Sarcastic: I like how... / I love how... / Right, because...

Patently untrue: I'm sorry, but...

ETA:

Unhelpfully inarticulate: Wow. ...

Comments

[jvowles.livejournal.com]

Where does this one fall:
"Let's just examine that claim for a moment..."

[kateorman.livejournal.com]

Here your interlocutor may be "Flintstoning". You know how cartoon characters run on the spot for several seconds before they get moving? Writers do the same thing before they get going. You just have to go back, cut it, and get straight to the point.

He or she could also have mistaken the register. If you come across as too formal online, you risk being seen as patronising or posing, instead of authoritative or confident. It's almost always better to aim for a conversational tone.

OTOH, s/he might just be a pretentious prat.

[alryssa.livejournal.com]

With the last one, I've been trying to actively train myself out of it, mostly because I feel that by using such a godawful choice of words, I'm perpetuating the idea that as a woman I need to apologise for my feelings before stating them, and thus devaluing them in the process.

Fuck no. If I say something, I damned well mean it, I own it, and I will deal with it.

!

[kateorman.livejournal.com]

I reckon you've hit on the source of that particular annoyance - a woman about to be angry and alarmed that people might think she's being rude! That makes more sense than how I've been interpreting it, ie, as a faux polite version of "fuck you". :D

Re: !

[alryssa.livejournal.com]

Oh, it certainly can be. It's a prime tool in the passive-aggressive arsenal - though passive-aggressiveness is largely fuelled by those same ideas about women being socially trained not to be direct or upfront. So instead we're left with coded, and in some cases, far more irritating, ways of expressing ourselves.

Re: !

[kateorman.livejournal.com]

Testify, sister!

[m-wesley.livejournal.com]

For many more, here's Flamer Bingo. (http://nielsenhayden.com/makinglight/archives/009186.html)

One I've seen a few times recently is the Double Really. "Really? Your cat can has cheeseburger? Really?" (Replacing the middle sentence with whatever the writer wants to cast doubt upon.)

[kateorman.livejournal.com]

I remember an equivalent from Usenet:

*blink* *blink*

That's a great link. (There are a few there I'd better watch out for in my own postings!) Love this one:

I'm going to post in every related group what a jerk/bitch/asshole/bastard you are, and everyone will know about the horrible things you have said to me.*


*yeah, because that always makes me look bad. ::snort::

[kateorman.livejournal.com]

That led me to this!

[antikythera.livejournal.com]

My favourite is 'wow'. Expresses disdain without actually being verbal enough to express it. Feels a bit unfair but also a cop-out.

[kateorman.livejournal.com]

Oh, yes! Adding that one to the list!

[pbristow.livejournal.com]

Really? I say "wow" when I'm astonished, not when I'm disdainful.

It's the age-old problem: Tone is hard to judge on the net, and perfectly innocent "utterances" can be completely misread by someone who starts off with the wrong assumption about your tone... I remember a particularly distressing conversation on usenet about a decade ago: The young lady and I had to agree to just drop the subject and move on, after she'd blown her top at "all the sarcasm here", and my apology and declaration that no sarcasm was intended just seemed to inflame things further. Eventually I realised that what she'd read as escalating sarcasm on my part was actually my increasingly careful politeness, caused by my perception that she seemed to be getting progressively more upset about something that I couldn't fathom...

Of course, it doesn't help that sometimes I *am* sarcastic in a way that I intend as humourous (but which might read as serious by someone not on my wavelength) and/or don't even conscioulsy register as sarcasm, or that I'm also sometimes (though rarely) *heavily* sarcastic with actual intent! =:o\

[kateorman.livejournal.com]

"Wow.

Just...

Wow."

That kind of snotty, meaningless "wow", not the "holy flaming cow" variety! :D

That's a brilliant story about the dangers of sarcasm btw.

[kateorman.livejournal.com]

And here's its relative: "Um..."

(I sometimes start off with "Erm...", but usually when I'm just plain confused!)

[daibhid-c.livejournal.com]

Immediate thought: Yeah, they're all really annoying.

Second thought: Um, I've used all of them in the recent past without thinking about it...

I'll try harder.