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dreamer_easyI've been very moved by the supportive things people have said during the Unpleasantness of the past few days. Thank you all so much!
I regret very much, though, that I've exposed some of you to so much distress. If I'd thought for a moment when I first posted, I would've urged you not to get caught up in the grudgewank. It's toxic to everyone - me, my mates, bystanders, and of course, the wankers themselves.
But I didn't think. Like terror, rage propels us into action:
Anywho. The one thing I've found helpful is Thich Nhat Hanh's teaching about anger: stop trying to suppress or escape it, stop trying to relieve it by saying the first nasty thing that pops into your head, and just sit with it. Just recognise it's there, without judging or struggling. He puts it this way: if your house is on fire, the first thing you do is to put the fire out, not chase the arsonist down the street!
This is not to say, of course, that you won't have to deal with the arsonist eventually. But when you do, you can do it with a clear head, without being pushed around by your feelings.
There's more about this technique here: Loosening the Knots of Anger. You don't need to be a Buddhist or a meditation expert to try this; for me, even a few moments of trying to just sit with my rage cools it down a bit.
I regret very much, though, that I've exposed some of you to so much distress. If I'd thought for a moment when I first posted, I would've urged you not to get caught up in the grudgewank. It's toxic to everyone - me, my mates, bystanders, and of course, the wankers themselves.
But I didn't think. Like terror, rage propels us into action:
When I follow in the wake of battle I am the woman exhorting the stragglers: GET GOING! CLOSE WITH THE ENEMY!Terror and rage are both thrilling. But they're also incredibly painful. We're not born knowing how to relieve that pain. It's particularly difficult for girls and women, who are taught to swallow their anger rather than expressing it, so it tends to leak out in passive-aggressive ways: malicious gossip, anonymous snark, grudge-holding, etc.
Anywho. The one thing I've found helpful is Thich Nhat Hanh's teaching about anger: stop trying to suppress or escape it, stop trying to relieve it by saying the first nasty thing that pops into your head, and just sit with it. Just recognise it's there, without judging or struggling. He puts it this way: if your house is on fire, the first thing you do is to put the fire out, not chase the arsonist down the street!
This is not to say, of course, that you won't have to deal with the arsonist eventually. But when you do, you can do it with a clear head, without being pushed around by your feelings.
There's more about this technique here: Loosening the Knots of Anger. You don't need to be a Buddhist or a meditation expert to try this; for me, even a few moments of trying to just sit with my rage cools it down a bit.
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no subject
Date: 2010-04-09 01:48 am (UTC)... Is that a bottle of blood or is it wine? Not falling for that one again. Tricksy tricksy Ra.
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From:no subject
Date: 2010-04-09 08:12 am (UTC)In order to appear less aggressive, I was taught to take a minute, and try to see the situation such that the other person isn't deliberately trying to piss me off. It's made a difference!