More about self harm

[dreamer_easy]

I've been doing a little bit of reading online. I'm still finding no evidence that teens self-harm to fake depression because it's trendy. What I am learning is that self-harm is common, but sometimes dismissed as mere attention-seeking. (There is a hugely obvious parallel here with sexual assault which I am just not getting into.)

Thinking about it more, I realised that I have engaged in self harm on a few occasions - thankfully, I have never injured myself or even drawn blood. I have pulled my own hair, slapped myself in the face (this is quite funny to think about now - try and picture it!) and pushed the tip of a pen into my hand. Luckily these were all isolated occasions; my shrink explained that if you start hurting yourself, it can become powerfully addictive.

I think the most disturbing remark in the metaquotes discussion that prompted these postings was one about trendy kids making "shallow cuts on their wrists" - in other words, fake suicide attempts to grab attention. In fact, cutting on the arms is one of the most common forms of self-harm: on the occasions when I have felt the impulse to hurt myself, that's what I've felt like doing. And seemingly minor injuries can be the symptoms of major distress.

Check out this info from the UK's National Self Harm Network. Also, the one time I came close to cutting myself, a page of advice from Australia's Reach Out helped a lot.

Comments

[platypus]

When someone does that constantly and you respond with sympathy and coddles every time, it's draining. You know that it's bad for them and bad for you, but you don't know any other way to respond that wouldn't be taken as heartless.

I had this problem during my worst period of depression. One of my friends, who I'd stood by relentlessly when HE was deeply depressed, got sick of me because I was becoming a drag. It was a bit ironic. I realize that you can only cry wolf so many times before you cease to get a response, but the problem was that for me there was always a damned wolf.

In my case, at least, the thing that would have been helpful would have been for this person -- or anybody -- to encourage me to get help. Sympathy and coddles, well, a little, but to quickly go on to, "Have you called anybody? Do you want help finding some numbers?" That would have gotten me going much sooner, because I was having a hell of a time doing it myself, or believing I deserved to. Or believing it was serious enough, stuck in my head without any sense of perspective.

People won't always accept that kind of help, and you're not always good enough friends to push it, but I don't know what else to do. Having been on the other side, I'm a bit wary of the heartless enough-of-this-already sort of response.

[kateorman.livejournal.com]

Even I've felt that way sometimes, and I ought to know better! It is very hard on the people around you, especially your loved ones, which is of course a massive source of guilt for the depressed person.

One of the best things Jon ever did for me was insist I get a new shrink. I was a mess and my shrink at the time wasn't helping - the new guy turned out to be brilliant. I couldn't have rallied my own resources to get a new referral at that point, so I needed a friendly boot up the bum. :-)