Cutting

[dreamer_easy]

I've got a book here called "Cutting the Pain Away: Understanding Self-Mutilation". I want to summarise some of the information it gives.

Self-harm is not a suicide attempt.

It is common; the book estimates that two million people in the US harm themselves.

Reasons for self-harm include relieving anxiety; "jolting" oneself out of emotional numbness; getting a kind of control over one's life.

The trauma of sexual abuse, physical abuse, and rape are linked to self-harm. Growing up in an "invalidating enviroment", in which the child is dismissed, belittled, or even punished for expressing their feelings, is also a factor.

The book suggests ways of getting more control over the urge to self-harm. Here are some of them:

- delaying, perhaps with the help of a distraction
- being with others or in public
- "Some people find that the impulse to injure themselves passes if a loved one holds them tightly when they are feeling overwhelmed by their feelings or out of touch with their bodies."
- saying "No!" or "Stop!" out loud
- remove items such as razors from the home
- strong tastes and smells (eg bite an unpeeled lemon)
- squeeze ice cubes in the hand, or stick fingers into ice cream
- harm objects instead of yourself, such as cutting a piece of heavy cardboard, ripping up an old phone book
- snapping a rubber band against your wrist (this is my own method)
- draw on yourself with a red pen or red paint

The book suggests ways of telling someone that you are self-injuring, such as writing it down rather than telling themn face-to-face; having a third person, such as a friend or therapist, present; reassuring them that you're telling them because you trust and love them.

It also suggests ways of helping someone who is self-injuring, such as letting them know you're willing to talk about it if and when they want; staying with them if you think they're in danger; not judging, demanding, or making ultimatums; and encouraging them to see a therapist.

I also found some relevant links:

A closer look at self-harm (summarises the research)

Deliberate self-harm from Reach Out!, an Australian site for young people

A self-harm fact sheet from Teen Health, another Australian site.

Comments

[platypus]

I am strangely jealous of anyone who *has* a loved one to hold them tightly in that kind of situation. But yes, a lot of the things listed are/have been helpful for me. It's been a good long time since I've done anything resembling hurting myself. I'm rarely tempted. But not never.

[kateorman.livejournal.com]

From what I've learned, it's a bastard of a thing to stop, like giving up smoking or something. Kudos to you for succeeding. (Luckily for me, the rubber band is only an occasional thing.)

Just got to ask to make sure...

[outsdr.livejournal.com]

Is your interest in this due to recent random events, or is there a deeper purpose to your research?

Re: Just got to ask to make sure...

[kateorman.livejournal.com]

Cheers mate. Don't worry - as far as I, the shrink, and the counsellor can make out, I'm not in danger of starting to self-harm. The rubber band is as far as it goes, and that's only an occasional thing. I just get furious when the media and people online dismiss self-injury as "trendy" or "attention-seeking".

Re: Just got to ask to make sure...

[outsdr.livejournal.com]

*phew* I've just got too many past demons (of my own, and other peoples) in dealing with this particular issue not to be concerned.

Speaking of such experience, um, I'm not sure how totally comfortable I would be in discussing such things in a (semi) open forum like this, but it is something I dealt with for 11 years before finally overcoming 5 1/2 years ago, so if there's any questions I might be able to give insight to, I'm willing to give it a shot.

Re: Just got to ask to make sure...

[kateorman.livejournal.com]

Good on you, mate. If it's of use to anyone, anonymous posting is allowed here.

Re: Just got to ask to make sure...

[outsdr.livejournal.com]

Hmm... I'll keep that in mind. To be honest, the thread is (unintentionally!!!) dredging up some incredibly strong feelings. Most are unexpected, some are uncomfortable, and rest I'm not sure what to make off, lol.

thank you for writing this publicly

[dawn-guy.livejournal.com]

Because self-harm is poorly understood in among general practitioners of medicine and counselling, it can be difficult for an SHer to come forward and ask for help. A significant problem with communities of people who self-harm is that the worry about the other participants in the group and descriptions of problems can trigger episodes.

The book sounds like a very good resource.

My (now adult) child's urges to harm herself did not start decreasing until she left an invalidating environment (which I should not have brought her into, and from which I am in some ways still recovering). Her self esteem continues to improve and she's now aiming to get an MLIS when she's finished her BA next year.

Re: thank you for writing this publicly

[kateorman.livejournal.com]

Both you and your daughter are made of win!

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

The rubber band snap didn't work for me, but the red pen idea actually might.

[kateorman.livejournal.com]

It's worth a try, love. (The book also suggests drawing a doodle of yourself, and marking the cuts on that.)

*handsqueeze*

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

I tried drawing; my therapist suggested that; but it never much seemed to help, oddly enough. I think it's because I usually see the blood as a draining out of sorrow or frustration (which is hopelessly medieval, wtf XD), so I need to do something that simulates that, rather than simulating the pain or the emotion. Which is why I think the red pen might work.

Also, sorry for gooshing about this on you. >_>

[(Anonymous)]

Try using a thin water-color brush, and a bottle of black India ink, or red ink. The red simulates fresh blood, but the black is more realistic and dried blood-like over time. It looks more like old, dried blood and was more psychologically fulfilling for me. The feel of the brush feels a lot like a knife, but without hurting. And the ink as it flows over the skin feels like blood.

Dip the brush into the ink, like all the way to the bottom of the ink pot. And then run it slowly down your skin, wherever you usually cut yourself. The extra ink will run down your skin and flow like the blood will. If you need to, stand in front of a mirror and watch the ink run down your body. Think of what emotion and hurt is coming out of you. Or just.... let it flow.

I did this in steps for recovery. I used the brush and the ink to ween me away from the cutting. I would still cut sometimes, but not as bad. And I would use the ink sometimes when I _didn't_ feel like cutting, so I could associate it with other feelings as well. Feelings that weren't always bad.

And then, I started using the ink and the brush to draw patterns, and shapes, and sometimes words on my skin. I started turning the negative into something beautiful, and I'd go out in public with my arms covered in ink swirls, and stripes on my face. I still got attention*, and I was learning new ways of expressing myself, and I was learning new ways of _feeling_ too. And sometimes, I would take my brush and ink with me, and I'd draw on other people, too. That took awhile, but later I realized it helped me to reach out to other people, and to also accept letting them near me as well.

One of the things cutting and self-mutilation used to do for me was transfer emotional hurt in physical hurt, and then I would use it as a visual indication of emotional healing of the hurt: as my physical wounds healed and disappeared, the emotional hurt went away as well. Both left scars, though. The ink helped replace that need as well, because if I used permanent ink, it would fade over time.

This isn't the only tool I used. And it didn't always work. It took me a very long time to lose the urge to self-mutilate. And I had to reach rock bottom too before I could crawl back up, as cliched as that sounds. But it helped. But it took time, too. And there were other things I did too. And I almost lost the battle a lot of times.

I'm not ashamed of what I did in the past, and I'm not ashamed of my recovery. And I'm not ashamed of who I am. But I'm posting this anonymously, because I think it's easier sometimes to accept advice from a caring stranger.

I still have scars. Lots of them. Some of them have faded out and some of them never will. But I'm not ashamed of them either. They're battle scars from a war I won.

I hope this helps someone a little bit. I can write more if anyone is interested.


*Nearly all cutters I've ever known have claimed that they didn't do it for attention. I know I said that. And it wasn't until years later that I realized that while not all of it was for attention, part of it was. Part of me NEEDED that attention, just to know that my feelings of loneliness and being un-loved and friendless WEREN'T TRUE.

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much. ♥

[hexacontium.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much. I will translate this and send it to my sister, whome I'm unfortunately only able to see once or twice a year as we live in different countries quiet a few miles appart. She's always been the magnet, attracting everything being wrong in our family and environment while I managed to get far enough away just in time. I hope she can do something with your suggestions.

[kateorman.livejournal.com]

Thanks for posting this, anon.

I think there's a big difference between someone in pain seeking attention - which they should do! - and the idea that teens cut just to show off or be trendy, a myth that puts thousands of kids in danger of not being taken seriously when they do need attention and help.

[(Anonymous)]

There were few people I ever ran into who were doing just to be "trendy" or to just show off. But the differences were obvious. A red mark in the skin that didn't even draw blood, another one made two scratches that were less serious than a cat could do, and another pricked her skin with a pin twice, just enough to say ouch.


These people might not have been true self-mutilators, but I think this was STILL a sign that there was something wrong, maybe some sort of identity issue or self image issue.

No matter what, anyone hurting themselves in the littlest bit or even talking about hurting themselves shouldn't be ignored. If there's even the littlest bit of a seed of a problem there, it can grow into something bigger.

My self-mutilation stretched into full-blown suicidal tendencies at times. Once the cutting starts it doesn't take a lot of pressure to go too deep. And that's why it shouldn't be blown off.

[kateorman.livejournal.com]

Well said.

[kateorman.livejournal.com]

My dear, your gooshing is always extremely welcome. :-x

[rainbowjehan.livejournal.com]

♥

[the-cockfighter.livejournal.com]

- the following comment has sexual content –

One of the difficult issues that I've faced in the last few years has been dealing with the increase incidence of barebacking amongst casual sexual relationships (unprotected sex) within the gay community. It’s an insane thing to do, but I have had casual partners where, they as the receptive partner, has wanted to bareback. It is such a hard thing to resist, especially when you think it is your partner wanting to take all the risks. I know there are gay men who put personal ads online identifying themselves as bug chasers (wanting to become HIV-positive) and it fills me with sadness. But the thing is for a few times last year, I’ve wondered whether my life would become easier if I was HIV-positive. The thinking is that in some way it sorts out the HIV-issue once and for all, but I wonder if there is in that thinking indication of self-harm behaviour?

I thought I’d mention this, as I think its needs to be voiced, silence does equal death. Whilst it is comforting that HIV rates are falling in NSW, the same can not be said for Victoria. Its not such an obvious form of self-harm behaviour, but I wonder if it should be looked at in the same way? Current campaigns look at risks and deal with STIs through warnings. ACON (AIDS Council of NSW) address the issue by making gay men aware of the situations where infection is likely to occur such as in sex parties, with crystal meth use, or when one makes assumptions about the HIV status of one's partner. The Grim Reaper advertisements, campaign through fear, has fatigued community concern. And shaking your super-ego finger from the high moral ground never works. Perhaps it should be looked at as a form of self-harm?

For those concerned - I am negative and I've taken many steps to modify my behaviour, such as taking myself out of the situations when I'm likely to engage in barebacking. But even when I'm writing this, I just don't know how much I can trust myself. Unlike other forms of self-harm beahviour, the consequences are down the track and the immediate is far from being unpleasant.

[kateorman.livejournal.com]

Perhaps it should be looked at as a form of self-harm?

That's an interesting insight. I don't know a whole lot about this, but I've read that one factor is that people are so afraid of becoming infected that they'd rather just get it over with. But I wonder if there are associated feelings of wanting to hurt or punish oneself, thinking one "deserves" to be infected. I know that for me there can be feelings of self-hate involved in the urge to hurt myself.

Stay negative, mate. *handsqueeze*